Blue Falling, Red Sucking

Hello, Cubs.
Well, that was a lot of fucking bullshit.
Anybody want to play baseball any more?
Listen, I have a jersey and a hat. If you find me a XXL pair of pants, may I start for you on Saturday? Christ knows I couldn't play any FUCKING WORSE than y'all did tonight and last night. Way to lay off the first pitch, and demonstrate your complete superiority of the strike zone by watching those pesky, completely unexpected third strikes just whizz by. What the fuck do umpires know?
I'd like to throw the pitchers a bone, but they'd just serve it up to Chris Young and then throw a fucking tantrum. (Note to Ted Lilly: Then don't throw it there in the first place.)

Sorry. Not this year. Maybe it's one to grow on. Diamondbacks in four.

Make me a motherfucking liar.

Speaking of motherfuck, the Blackhawks started their Fabulous Renaissance of Greatness by, um, giving up more goals than they scored. And by not scoring any goals at all. Wild 1, Hawks 0.
That's such a change from last year, when they couldn't prop up Khabibulin even when he played well. Jesus. They're ten years away from anything. And I've been saying that for at least five years. What a fun autumn this is going to be, sports fans!