Tuesday, December 09, 2008

More Disbelief

Sorry to make it look like every post is quasi-apocalyptic, but seriously, WHAT THE FUCK DOES RON SANTO HAVE TO DO TO GET VOTED INTO THE HALL OF FAME?

Would the Veteran's Committee like his arms, too? Or is it as simple as what I read on another blog today, that the VC don't want nobody else let in to their little club who isn't, you know, dead.

Well, fuck 'em. Merit and accomplishment?

Not being Joe Morgan after Joe Morgan stopped playing?
Double Check.

Hardships overcome?
Check and Mate.

Man oh Manischewitz. It's almost a parody of itself now. Even Susan Lucci won a Daytime Emmy, you know.

Friday, December 05, 2008

We Suck Journal

What the fuck is wrong with the Wall Street Journal? Maybe it's not news, but today as I was doing something completely unrelated I happened on a post that really gobsmacked me. I'll get to that in a second, but also today is this stupid article which helps to explain why WSJ and one-trick ponies of its ilk shouldn't do stories that only tangentially deal with their field of expertise. (Which reminds me of a Heartwarming Family Anecdote. My brother, who is a gifted professor of economics in the macro-DC area, once argued with me several years ago that the Journal was the "perfect paper," since it was his opinion that they did the best financial reporting [I'll cop to that, esp since I know dickfist about finance] as well as reported on everything else on a par with everyone else. "It's the perfect paper," he said many years ago. "Really? Look at the fucking op-ed page sometime," I cheerfully respond in the present day. Ah, family.)

And now here's this stupid article, which I call a blinky, which is what happens when one-trick ponies like the Journal blink and look around outside their previously-mentioned fields of expertise and realize that OMG, stuff happens inthe world! College football is all-of-a-sudden popular and ascendant and dominant in the South! Ahem, fellas. College football has always been all of those things. It's no tnews that the state of Florida is where the speed is or tht they've been taking Northern kids out of the Ohio State/Michigan/Penn State/Big Ten pipeline. Sports Illustrated, a sports magazine that publishes articles written about sports, and only occasionally ties them in with stories about the money floating around in sports, did this story in their annual College Football Preview issue the year I got out of college. I remember that because I read it on my first day on the job at my first real-world job. OUT OF COLLEGE. In 1988. So, not news, Wall Street God-damned Journal. At all.

No, this article is clearly another tired-ass sop to red-state, deep-South, center-to-hard-right America and its presence as the only remaining fortress for old-school Republican and conservative values. Tying the traditions of SEC football and the Big Big Money to be gleaned from same is WSJ's way of saying the South will rise again, which, whatever. Like Army and Notre Dame have no tradition. (They don't have any talent now, either, but that's not what this article is trying to say.) And of course, as good as Florida, bama, LSU and Florida State have been in recent years, there also exists in the South an Ole Miss, a Mississippi State, a Baylor, and many other teams that do, in fact, suck. Like everywhere. So other than the fact that the SEC is pretty good, and the fact that the WSJ desperately needs the right wing to feel good about itself, this story shouldn't exist.

Ah, but that's just the icing. The cake (or perhaps I should say "shit-pie") is this steaming load from the always-load-bearing Peggy Noonan. God damn it. She so fucking sucks. It's her usual bullshit bit of moseying around rich white naeighborhoods doing rich white things with rich white people, which culminates in her "throwing down" to Barack Obama (Oh snap, Irish Lady!), challenging him to do better than Bush on Homelamd Security, because, after all, At Least Bush Kept Us Safe.

No. No he did not. You stupid idiot of stupidity. Shut up, sit down, shut up, and listen. Bush got us killed. Bush had the opportunity to keep us safe and ignored it, then lied us into a war that has beget another war based on that botched opportunity. Remember? Yellow gingham on the bed, yellowcake lies in the SOTU, remember, darling? We were safe for a good long while until Ol' Cowboy Chucklefuck got into office and made us all look like boorish assholes. Noonan seems to forget, or maybe it's because she really is stupid, that 9/11 happened on Preznit Fuckhead's watch. (Hers, too, so she hasn't kept us safe either.) And just offhand, to be a mean Republican cunt about things, her "observation" that dirty furriners the globe 'round are reacting less to Obama's victory and more to McCain's concession speech? Just another example that history is constantly being rewritten by the losers. The rich, white losers.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

What I'm Thankful For Today

Wednesday, November 05, 2008


With 97 % of precincts reporting from Petoskey, Michigan, Hooknose Longhorn and his brother, Dell, have retained the posts of Dogcatcher and Deputy Dogcatcher, posts which the former Tejas farmers have held since 1980. Jello Face Odion defeated Trident to win the post of Water Supervisor.

Trident's concession speech consisted of him mainly zooming around the podium as his supporters cheered, his three-pronged outlet of a tail flying behind him.

The race between Phoneface and Bellnose for Building Supervisor is still too close to call.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

The Ionisation Blackout

Well folk, today is Election Day.
You know what you have to do. Hopefully some of you have already done it.
Of course I 'd hope you would vote Democratic, but if you must vote Republican, at least vote. (Like that GOP vote will matter in Illinois.)

The thing I most want to happen tonight is to see Barack and Michelle Obama and Joe and Jill Biden shining all over Grant Park, before they throw the last shovelful of lime over the stinking, rotting, pustulent, bloated carcass of Karl Rove's career as any kind of political strategist. (They want to nail the lid on the coffin of this iteration of the GOP proper, they could do that too.)

So the board is in motion. I'm off to Loyola Park fieldhouse. Then we wait.

And then we dance.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

This Just In

David Frum is a cock.

Not only has he completely backed the wrong horse, he's being a total dick about it. That Post article "warns" of an impending Democratic hegemony that promises an orgy of unchecked spending and should Obama win and gain a filibuster-proof Senate.

Because unchecked power in Congress just might turn this country into a huge tub of suck, I guess.

I'd ask where the fuck Frum thinks he's been living the past eight goddamned years, but he probably gets paid by the word and "with my head up my ass" might not get him more than a triple sawbuck.


Sunday, October 19, 2008

Haul Away, Joe

So I don't really care whether Joe the Plumber is a real plumber, or whether he didn't pay his taxes, or whether he owns a buisness or just rents it. (Like beer. You know.)

What I do give a fuck about is the fact that someone claims FOR HIM that his life has been turned upside down by Faggot Terrorist Barack Obama Hitler and his Homo Lovers of Liberalism, making him hide his face from the horde. Because he can't be bothered to tell us how bad his life is now. Because it's awful when the Mother Fucking Media show up on your lawn, making you come all out of the house and stand in front of cameras and talk to them and shit. Just awful.

But dude. What America-loving, higher-taxes-and-terrorist-faggots hating plumbung American complains about all that shit, then sits in the front row at Huckabee?

Asshole. Fake motherfucker. Famewhore.

Get off the fucking clock now, Joe. 14:59...and...