Sunday, June 25, 2006

This Just In

Derrek Lee made his long-awaited return to the Cubs, following a broken wrist, this afternoon. As soon as he arrived, he remembered which team he was on, looked around, and said "Get me the fuck out of here."

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Why Bill O'Reilly is Really an Asshole

So yes, we all know Bill O'Reilly is a fucking clown-ass Republican gasbag. He's on Fox News, for God's sake. But after watching him take down his would-be girlfriend Michelle Malkin on his program, and the way he did it, with that little fucking cackle of his, he clearly doesn't care about politics, Republicans, Democrats, right or wrong, tuna salad or ham salad or white or dark meat.

He just cares about being famous. (ominous chords)

Like Rush Limbaugh, John Gibson, Dennis Miller, Ron Silver and a lot of other so-called "pundits," and by "pundits," I mean "bullshit-spewing holler-holes of both parties but come on, really, it's guys who call themselves 'conservatives' at about a 99-to-one clip," O'Reilly saw early on which side his bread was buttered on and decided to ride it as far as he could. I'm not sure how many of these dickheads earned their Punditry Badge during the Clinton or Carter administrations, but my guess is the big players jumped on the Reagan/Bush/Bush bandwagons, especially the new kids on the block like Miller and Silver, who have somehow gotten a free pass on the weakest excuse I've ever heard for a change in party affiliation: That's right, the "9/11 changed me" bullshit.

Well, excuse me for paying my taxes and rent just like you do, Mr. Miller, but, fuck you. Wasn't the whole point of 9/11 that we did nothing to provoke it? And that we should be no different in the aftermath? So you're going to let a bunch of kamikaze jihadist assholes lead your voter's registration card around by its little paper nose? And I'm supposed to give you a career as a cranky right-wing guy for that reason? Ah, no; do as much cranky right-wing stand-up as you want (ooh, NAMBLA, there's a tough target to hit), ride around on Air Force One and open for the Prexy if you must, but there's a reason both Fox and CNBC bounced your ass: Your act doesn't play as anything but jokes anymore.

So why, if people can see through Miller's genuine graft (Thank you, drive safely), do O'Reilly, who lies and obfuscates about his childhood and upbringing as much as he can, and Limbaugh, who was rumored to be an equal-opportunity pol-basher back in his days as 300-pound teenaged Rusty Limbaugh in KC, have the careers they do? It's obvious these asshats don't really care about the political bromides they spout; if they did, their heads would clearly have exploded by now (and yes; that's also how you know Ann Coulter is the same kind of famewhore. Or she's literally a bitch-bot. Hmmmmm), but nobody seems to want to address that aspect of things. This is a culture of celebrity, where people with no merit for existing outside of their own families like Paris Hilton can be famous merely because they're famous. And people should call bullshit on fake provocateurs like O'Reilly, Limbaugh, and the rest of these clown shoes.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Jogo Boni-d'oh!

Well, I can finally focus my attention on England's XI now.

Seriously, the US looked like ass on Monday. I'm sure every soccer pundit is thinking we're back to 1998 again. I don't think it's that bad, but too bad the US has to play Italy next and not Ghana. That would have (presumably) been good medicine. Instead they get the azzuri pill.

And, OK, Ann Coulter? Suggesting that Max Cleland and Christopher Reeve (when he was alive), in taking responsibility or admitting to being baby-killers or something, might have wanted to "Step up to the plate"?


Sunday, June 04, 2006

Joga Bonito

Shut up, Bono. Ireland didn't even make the World Cup this year.

I'm totally janked about the World Cup, and wouldn't know how to predict who's going to win, especially since two of the favorites last time, Portugal and France, crashed out immediately. But why is ESPN not publishing a TV schedule? Have I completely missed it? I know all the US games will be on TV big time, with top placement, but the Stanley Cup (go Erlers) is on this week too and I don't have TiVo. I'd like to know when England will be on and where, plus Holland and the Ukraine. And every other side.