Sunday, January 20, 2008

Okay. Can you all do me a favor? Two favors actually. The first: Go see Persepolis. Then read it. Or vice versa.

Two. Stop saying "British." Everyone knows you mean "English" anyway.

Because Britain is actually not a country or a nationality at all, it's an island. We all know which island it is, it's that big isosceles triangle between Iceland and France, upon which are situated the countries of England, Scotland, and Wales. Those three, plus Northern Ireland, Australia, Canada, blah blah, make up the Commonwealth of the United Kingdom. Of Great Britain. And Stuff.

But to say something is "British" doesn't really mean anything, not the way it gets thrown around these days, anyway. We don't mean "from the British Isles." "Oh yes, I love his British accent." "It's a British film." "Girls Gone Wild would be so much better if all the drunk girls were British." It's clear that 99.9 percent of the time what is meant is "English," but you know, Sean Connery is from Scotland and so is Ewan MacGregor, and Colin Farrel is from up there in Ireland, which isn't even a Commonwealth country (although Northern Ireland is, but I'll take that shit apart on St. Patrick's Day, maybe.) and, well, I don't know, so... So there goes the portmanteau sobriquet (French) "British" (English) so as to not offend anybody. Just say "English." God damn it. There's no such thing as a sexy Brit with a sexy British accent. He's Welsh. Or from Northern Ireland.

Thanks again. I love you. Now go see Persepolis.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

If Your Name is Tom, And There's An "H" In Your First Name, Shut Up

Well, that didn't take long.
With but 5:10 gone in the first quarter of the Sugar Bowl, FOX sportscaster Thom Brennaman called this guy Nomar Moreno.

Screwing up two sports at once, on three levels at once...that's FOX Sports for you.

Please bear in mind that that was the only thing involved with the beginning of the Sugar Bowl tht didn't take long. I kept surfing in to see if the fucking game had started, and there was Chris Goddamned Myers and Fran Tarkenton's Re-Animated Corpse telling us about how ZOMG, Hawai'i is like an island! But it's in 'Murrica! WTF!?!?!?? And the people who live there speak a funny nok nok language!

Please, FOX, just BCS Bash my fucking head in.