Sunday, October 26, 2008

This Just In

David Frum is a cock.

Not only has he completely backed the wrong horse, he's being a total dick about it. That Post article "warns" of an impending Democratic hegemony that promises an orgy of unchecked spending and should Obama win and gain a filibuster-proof Senate.

Because unchecked power in Congress just might turn this country into a huge tub of suck, I guess.

I'd ask where the fuck Frum thinks he's been living the past eight goddamned years, but he probably gets paid by the word and "with my head up my ass" might not get him more than a triple sawbuck.


Sunday, October 19, 2008

Haul Away, Joe

So I don't really care whether Joe the Plumber is a real plumber, or whether he didn't pay his taxes, or whether he owns a buisness or just rents it. (Like beer. You know.)

What I do give a fuck about is the fact that someone claims FOR HIM that his life has been turned upside down by Faggot Terrorist Barack Obama Hitler and his Homo Lovers of Liberalism, making him hide his face from the horde. Because he can't be bothered to tell us how bad his life is now. Because it's awful when the Mother Fucking Media show up on your lawn, making you come all out of the house and stand in front of cameras and talk to them and shit. Just awful.

But dude. What America-loving, higher-taxes-and-terrorist-faggots hating plumbung American complains about all that shit, then sits in the front row at Huckabee?

Asshole. Fake motherfucker. Famewhore.

Get off the fucking clock now, Joe. 14:59...and...

Monday, October 13, 2008

Here Come The--Oh, no, they're late.

Wooo! Blackhawks! Yeah! Rocky and J-Mac did everything right in the offseason! Huge season-ticket base! Expectations!!! High!!! As expected!!!


Yeah. No.

Because, three games, six goals. No wins. No wins. I have no wins, too.

No fucking offense. Again. Angles were bad, passing sucked, guys looked tired. And so far each goalie has had one good period per start. (And Huet, use your FUCKING STICK TO BLOCK YOUR FIVE HOLE IN A SHOOTOUT.) I know it's early days, but boy does this shit look familiar. The crowd was rabid nd ready and then they were out of it fifteen minutes in.

Get your tickets now. Or don't.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Don't snivel, we just waxed the floors

So at what level of bagginess is that douchebag, New York Times
"columnist" William Kristol?

Pretty baggy:

I pointed out that Obama surely had a closer connection to the Rev.
Jeremiah Wright than to Ayers — and so, I asked, if Ayers is a legitimate issue,
what about Reverend Wright?

Holy shit, is he kidding or stupid? Don't answer that, he's obviously stupid. (And sloppy, yes. And a hack. And a fraud. And the head of Alfredo Garcia. And a partridge. In a pear. Tree.)
He really wants to take Sarah Palin there? He really wants her to go where this asshole's grinning skull is waiting for her? Really? As if she doesn't look ass-backwards and bumblefuck enough, Bloody Billl wants to open up the Muthee floodgates by letting her try to hammer Obama on Wright? Cause your column has his name in it, you know? Well, bring that nonsense on, Bill. Plus, your column sucks. Every week. Like clockwork it sucks. Suckwork.
This is a great strategy for the McCain campaign. They obviously can't talk about the economy, even though that's ALL PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU STUPID BLINDERS-WEARING DUMB-ASS WARTHOGS OF REPUBLICAN STUPIDITY, because McCain fucked that up over the course of the last two weeks but good, and their idea of making it a Culture War died when people heard Goddess Of The Hunt Sarah Palin actually talk in real time, away from her baby-seal-fur-lined-leather-gloved handlers. So they try to pivot back to the tap-dance terrorist team of Wright and Ayers, an issue that was vetted and found wanting back when Hillary Clinton tried it. And we all know Hillary Clinton is twice the man Bill Kristol is, not to mention twice the writer. I sure hope this is their idea of an October Surprise. Because if it is, we can bury the political career of Karl Rove, that pasty-ass motherfucker, for good.
Plus, Bill Kristol sucks.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Drink your big Black Cow and get out of here

Because it's over now, motherfuckers. Note the fucking time stamp, bitches.
Second inning, game 2, and it's over. I just watched the Lansing Fucking Lugnuts bat in the bottom of the first and the Cleveland Spiders in the fucking field in the top of the second.

Fucking over. Already. Jesus Fucking Fuck. Fuck you all. Spotlight too fucking bright? Get a pair of fucking sunglasses, assholes.

It's over.

Make me the biggest motherfucking liar in fucking history.

Ah, but that would require the ability to take a pitch and field a ground ball. I sure as hell can't do it. Neither can you JV motherfuckers, apparently.

So, no. Get a fucking book of Forever stamps and mail it in. From the fucking golf course, motherfuckers.

Fuck You All.


Post God-Damned Mortem, God Damn It

So how bad was it?

Not bad, if "utter failure" is your bar. (Just so you know, I'm talking about this piece of crap and not this one. That's tonight.) Otherwise, bad. Like Cozy Cole BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD.

So how bad was it?

I heard that Ron Santo accidentally killed a guy when he took off one of his legs and threw it down toward the Cubs' dugout in frustration.

I heard that 14 different MLB-accredited documentary film crews packed up and went home, throwing their credits at the door of the Cubs' Media Relations department, weeping and saying through their tears, "What the fuck was that? You promised us MAGIC!!!"

I heard that even Chris Crocker won't defend the Cubs online today.


Seriouslike, I know it's just one game, but it's a five-game series and not seven, and if this is the offense for the week, it's fucking over. Three out of five is no barometer for a team's rate of success over a 162-game season, but that's the way it is, and we saw this offense go into a week-long funk a couple of times this year, just like every team. But every team didn't make the playoffs and have the best offense in the national League, God damn it, and this one did, so they can't fucking bail this fucking WEEK.

Because now, as we know, the pitchers are scared. I'll get to Dumpster in a minute. (h/t to the rotting, stiinking, bloated carcass of Jay Mariotti's career) But after Dempster, Marshall came in and started nibbling at the corners, and walked guys and gave up home runs. Samardzija too. Blah blah blah. Pitching from some place of fear and despair and I don't know what instead of just being able to get that third out. I railed for years about the Cubs' problem being their inability to take a pitch on offense to draw a walk and thus put men on bast to score runs. This year that hasn't been a big problem, due in large measure to Fukudome's early-season left-handed plate patience, which rubbed off, which may be why Piniella's keeping him in. (Gaetti-Salazar-style loyalty is another Cubs'-brand trait that needs to be stopped soonest, but that's another post, I guess.)

This year it's been that third out. I don't know how many runs were scored off of Cubs pitchers with two outs, but I'd guess a whole lot more than should have been scored. Scientific, I know. But how many outs and how many strikes on Loney? You know, fuck. Fergie Jenkins and Greg Maddux gave up homers in Wrigley Field, everyone does, but they didn't walk guys in the playoffs like Dempster did to give up grand slams.

Oh. Wait.

And he pitched the 9th against the Cubs last night, right? And threw a perfect inning against the Cubs' offense? Fuck me.

So how bad was it?

Wednesday, October 01, 2008


Fucking embarrassing.

That's it. Maybe tomorrow.