Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Hey Guys!!!

You know what's really stupid?

Poeple who say "Oh my gosh" in any circumstance. "Gosh" is, of course, what people say when they can't say "God." And nobody says "Gosh" unless they're afraid people will give them PC shit for saying "God."

TV is where we find it the most, of course. Either the cretins who pimp themselves on reality TV and sports TV are being told by their betters not to say "God," or they don't want to risk it themselves, lest the fickle finger of fame pass them over for actually having the perverted, foulmouthed gall to say the word "God." (Blasphemy, blasphemy, no one gives a blast for me.) If it's the former, then TV producers are a bunch of craven, nail-biting, bottom-line-licking chickenshits. (I know, such a revelation, right?) But I don't think so. If you told someone not to say a word, any word, especially that word, eventually it would peep out anyway, because it's human nature, and it's a subconscious-type deal, as they say in Fargo. ("Chaska." "LeSuer.") People say "Omigod" all the fucking time, and the idea that if we hear it on TV that the great Christian Pearl-clutching TV-watching Red-State Swath or Islamists or atheists or Wiccans or the National Agnostic's Consortium are going to be offended is the stupidest kind of nervous groupthink I can think of.

"Oh my gosh." Stupidest thing going.

Friday, August 24, 2007

It Is To Laugh, It Is To Love

We can glean nothing from people who get their news from FOX News except this: They truly enjoy being lied to. Which makes sense, I guess, because if the ostrich-headed onion brains who watch FOX News really knew what was going on out there they would never, ever, ever leave their homes.

And so I watched for about a minute and a half this evening, top of the hour, The O'Really Factor. No BillO, because a Labor Day vacation break is too tempting for a culture warrior, I guess (I'm looking at you too, KO. Come on.) Instead, non-white import-model-wannabe Michelle Malkin was on, trying very hard to convince us all that immigration reform is about crime and not about race. Which she tried to do, using small words (for her benefit or the audience's? You decide. She reports.), by replaying a BillO clip talking about two assholes who allegedly raped and killed a woman and her two daughters. I must have seen it way out of context (on FOX? I know! Insanity!) because the two men in the mug shot looked reasonably White and Christian, and not at all like greasy criminal taco-slinging non-White real peole. So, of course, Malkin brings it back to us and lays the blame at the feet of the New York Times for an op-ed that suggested that the immigration reform issue is maybe, I'm guessing, a, um, I don't know, racist smokescreen? I assume that the point is that these fuckers were white illegals, and not brown, so it's OBVIOUSLY not about race. There you go! Immigration problem solved! America is healed! And we know the racial rift is healed because Bill O'Reilly's cheerleader fantasy (via Wonkette) felt empowered enough by her love for all peoples to end her screed with one healing salve of a word:


Ahhhhhh. Love, people. Nothing but ostrich-head, motherfucking love.

The point of my only sort-of referenced entry about tonight's episode of Stupid and His Girlfriend is not that the immigration isue is so fake and smokescreeny and divisively distracting, and therefore exactly what you'd expect from Roger Ailes. No, I'm all about the punchline, my chickens. Because after Malkin's hi-larious comedy routine, she introduced, I'm assuming for fair and balanced analysis on the subject, this guy. That's right, him. Who is running for President. Which you may not have known. And his campaign manager? This guy's sister.

If I may, again, quote the Master, Stephen Sondheim?

So much happiness, so much love...

Monday, August 20, 2007

Why Karl Rove Can Suck My Fucking Dick

Or, A Lesson To Democrats:

Karl Rove can suck my fucking dick because he's a fucking asshole.

Get it, Democrats?

If it's really obvious, just say it. Then back it up later. Throw some Mother. Fucking. Fire.

ps Of course he's still a pasty-ass motherfucker.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007


DailyKos, those Nazi-terrorist faggots, had the story first, but I picked it up first on Crooks and Liars. It seems that someone with a web address traceable back to...wait for it...

FOX News !!!!!!!!!!

had been scrubbing and altering entries on polarizing political and commentary figures, like Shepard Smith and Keith Olbermann. DailyKos captured a bunch of them; they're subtle things mostly, like altering an entry about Olbermann's commentary on smoking-related cancers following the death of Peter Jennings to make it seem like he was being both self-serving and professionally reckless. Subtle, debate-shifting shit like that. You know, what FOX does oh, pretty much all the time.

So, thinking I'd see who else had been hit or scrubbed, I checked out the entry for a minor player in the FOX News firmament, Steve Doocy. Host of "FOX and Friends." Goofy-ass, failed talk-show host, "Letterman-Lite" as SPY magazine once called him.

God, I hope it's still there. Three fourths of the way down the page, after "Knights of Columbus of Bergen County, New Jersey."

Talk about subtle. And I'm still laughing. And when you think how much raw data there is on Wiki, and how easily manipulatable it is (Just ask Stephen Colbert or Hooters Icon Lynne Austin), one thinks that this could be the new Intrewebs sport of the millennium. God knows how many Wiki pages have been tagged like that.

Fun Ahoy!!!

ETA: FUCK it's gone. Scrubbed. The paragraph I refered to on Doocy ended with "...and is, perhaps, the dumbest human being living."

Monday, August 13, 2007

Jingle Them Crazy Bells

Hooray! Ring the bells! Karl Rove, that pasty-ass motherfucker, has resigned his post as Josh Lyman to George W. Bartlet. Rove, that pasty-ass motherfucker, said he is resigning to spend more time with the seventeen-foot-tall stack of indictments that he looks at every morning rather than staring at his own pasty-ass visage in the mirror, where he might see his soul flying out the back of his fucking head, winging away to its dark master. "I'm at least thrice-damned to begin with," said the pasty-ass motherfucker, perhaps finally becoming aware of his no-doubt Faustian bargain, and perhaps referring to his vote-fraud-rigging, or perhaps the leaking of the name of a CIA agent who was covert at the time, and most certainly that fucking 'MC Rove' bullshit. "So if I can perhaps escape the fiery conflagration that I have almost single-handedly engineered myself, which will soon engulf this once-great nation in the fire of regret and confusion, the threat of Congressional indictment may at least serve as the steel-spiked, acid-salted poultice of the never-abating torture that awaits the endless cycle of my days. God be damned."

Nice speech, fuckhead. Now get the fuck out.