Monday, September 26, 2005

Hate. Haaaaaaate. Gaaaaahhhhhh....

So Karl Rove, that pasty-ass motherfucker, is in charge of the rebuilding of New Orleans. That's good. Because what The City That Care Forgot needs now, more than anything, is someone who truly cares.

I hope you've read that entire page. (Blogging has its pleasures. Like Arianna, I'm not on the record, so fuck you, Karl, you pasty-ass motherfucker.)

Seriously, what an asshole. This guy says more assholinine things than Josh Lyman. And Josh Lyman's a fictional deputy Chief of Staff. Karl Rove, that pasty-ass motherfucker, is very much real.

But you know what else is real? This. I'm a stone former, and have been since age 19, so believe me when I tell you that human man can endure no greater pain (aside from, perhaps, sawing his testicles off with a coping saw or sommought like that) than passing a kidney stone. Imagine moving a piece of jagged mineral deposit the size of a Grape-nut (not kidding, my first seriously was) through your kidney and your urinary tract, feeling it move all the while, when all you want to do is drink water to piss it out, then die. But all you can do is drink water, then puke. Then become dehydrated from puking, then need to drink more water. But you're so sickly that you can't keep it down, so you puke the water up. Which dehydrates you...


...water, so you puke again. That's the singularly masculine pain (women get them, but rarely) involved in passing a kidney stone. And the best part is this: You get one, chances are you get them for the rest of your sniveling, weak life.

That's pain. And it couldn't happen to a pastier-ass motherfucker than Turd Blossom.

Monday, September 19, 2005

The Bloom and the Rose

Looks like the Bad Bobby Jenks bandwagon got a little roomier, didn't it?

Seriously, Ozzie, why the hell wasn't Jermaine Dye bunting with a man on second and nobody out in the eighth? Because he can't? Then why don't you lift him? No shortage of good bench on the Sox to play that, you know, small ball you're so fond of. Is there a game, a series, a season to win or lose or NOT?

But seriously, really seriously, you walk them, they score. I'll stop now.

Fucking fuck.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

See What It Gets You

I knew this was going to happen.
The President claims responsibility, so Louisiana Governer Kathleen Babineaux Blanco gets up and sheepishly does the same thing. So. Now she's admitted culpability. That's your big mistake, Madam Governor...

Because, back from the grave and ready to rock, here comes this asshole again. Brownie's back! Former horse judge/FEMA director Mike Brown is now, of course, blaming...not the President. Nope, not the Republican administrations of Alabama or Missisippi. No, he's blaming...
...Say it with me...
Louisiana Governor Kathleen. Babineaux. Blanco.

There's a big surprise. Wait one day, let the only prominent Democrat in the whole jackpot efface herself, then cut her off at the knees. Then watch the assholes in the conservative media rip her a new one. "She blamed herself," they'll crow. "She knows she's at fault here. She already took the blame! Whee!!!"

God damn it, is the Democratic party never going to learn? Once and for all, do not concede the high ground to these bastards. At least not until the midterms. This is what Karl Rove, that pasty-ass motherfucker, and his loyal robo-troopers get paid to do:organize brutal media strategies like this, aimed solely at making the President look good and Democrats look evil. Holy shit, I can't believe that Mike Brown went after Blanco right after she allowed herself a portion of the blame! Who'd have thunk it? To the New York Times, no less! Think any Democrats will read that? Brownie, you're doing a heckuva smear job.

And, again, the Democrats fell into the trap. Jesus Christ. Donkeys and Donkettes, pay attention. Just don't give it up anymore. No mercy. It's really simple. Or it ought to be.

Monday, September 12, 2005


Actually, no. Only one. well, I would link to the American Red Cross, but to do so since I'm not able to contribute anything myself, would be hypocritical.
Aah, like they care how I feel about myself. Go for it.

Now then. I can't begin to express my pure, white-hot hatred of the right-wing spin machine at work in this nation of ours. Nothing new, I know, but now that I have a blog and we've seen a clear example of the Bush administration's crass, smug, destructive ineptitude, we've also seen how vehement, vitriolic, and soulless the right-wing , conservative media spin factory gets in situations like this. (If Dennis Miller were still in the equation, I could add "funny!" Except not.)

We all know the situation, and FEMA, being a, you know, FEDERAL FUCKING AGENCY, it has tactical command of any disaster situation. Meaning it can move the mountain to Mohammed if Mohammed won't get off his ass and move himself. So of course when faced with this information (not to mention corpse-eating rats yelling "Laissez les bontemps roulez!" at the top of their corpse-eating lungs), what do Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, the Washington Times, the op-ed page of The Wall Street Journal do? Why, spin it back to fault the Democrats who run New Orleans and the Commonwealth of Louisiana. (guess these fuckers forgot about Mississippi and Alabama, which can't even spell "Democrat.") And, of course, they lie like a bunch of fucking liars to do it.

Why? Because they can. Because, for the most part, like Bill Oh, Really, they're good at hiding the bullshit with a good routine, and, in the case of Rush Limbaugh's fat ass, something that passes for "showmanship." And by "showmanship," I mean "He's not entertaining, or good at what he does, but he's been on that perch of his for a while, and enough stupid people are fooled by his bluster and false sense of white guy outrage, so throw him another cracker and let him sing on, I guess." In short, they do it because the limp-dick liberal media, and by "limp-dick" I mean you, Michael Whiskey-Dick Kinsley, and you, Allan Flaccid Colmes, let them use your spinal cord to rehearse the Giant Piano scene from Big . Jesus Christ, Allan, don't you know what a bully pulpit is? You've got the first half of that expression staring you in the face every night yelling at you! Grow a cock, you child.

Ahem. The conservative media, and by extension the White House, do this much better than the liberal spin machine does it at this moment in history. Karl Rove, that pasty-ass motherfucker, is capable, with the help of Grover "Satanic Majesty" Norquist, of marshaling his troops with a ruthless efficiency. They do it well. Liberals do it fairly well, too, but this is the crux of my argument: Conservatives do it louder.

That's the part I can't stand. You bastards, stop conceding the moral high ground. Undercut a bitch every now and then if you have to. Why can't someone like Dan Savage or Eric Dyson just say "Whoa, Mr. Coulter. That's a straight-up fucking lie, and you know it." Just like that. (Axctually, Savage does just that in print. I wish he'd run for office and do it out loud more.) Don't beg for anyone's pardon. Don't excuse yourself. Ann Coulter has already sinned intentionally by bearing false witness, so fuck her. Piss in her ear. Take the gloves off.

So. Media Matters for America. They do it pretty well, and with a good-sized group of watchdog volunteers. Give the link a look. They'll put you on their mailing list and send you updates every day. And no, they don't swear like I do. But it'd be great if they did.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Can You Believe It?

It's my birthday. Go me.

The fallout from Hurricane Katrina is going to be a big fat entertaining political football for quite a while, it seems. Over the weekend, it looked like the ass-licking White House press corps and electronic media finally decided to think and act like real human beings, expressing something close to real outrage at the dead bodies floating by them as the politicians high-fived themselves.
Then the right-wing media got back from vacation and realized their corner on the market of blame and moral outrage had been usurped, and went even more hypocritically ballistic than usual. Swear to Christ, they're just lying now. Pure untruths. Fuckers.

So, the game is on. Will this damage Bush's poll numbers? Will he fire anyone to appease the dead? Will Rush Limbaugh blame Ophelia on black people, too? Is Bill O'Reilly fucking insane? And will any Democrat of importance, anywhere, ever, ever stand up and say something like "Mr. President, you screwed up. Your adminisrtation screwed up. You fucked the people of New Orleans, who died and will keep dying because their levee walls were breached when you denied them the funds to fix them. Homeland Security is a joke, and FEMA is the motherfucking punchline. You asshole."

Or maybe, "Brit Hume, you and your editors are a God-damned disgrace. How many more times will you emerge from makeup, look into a camera, and lie to people? Are you and your conservative cohorts at Fox and elsewhere so uncertain of your moral certitude that you must flat-out lie even when you know it's a lie? The fuck is wrong with you?"

Or: "Wake the fuck up, everybody. You need to think twice. Wait. Just think once. Why do you insist that the New York Times and Fox News lead you by the nose? Can't you get upset by anything that isn't dropped in your God-damned lap like it's Paris Hilton's vagina? Jesus Christ. You're soaking in it."

Oh, how I long for that day.