Tonight's Car Fires Brought to You by Annheuser-Busch

Aw, man, fuck the Cardinals. I was born in St. Louis, and just fuck the Cardinals. I was seriously looking forward to a World Series with two offenses and two defenses, but it looks like I got stuck with this twelve-errors-in-five-games monstrosity instead. When Kenny Rogers' left hand is the best thing about the week, it says something.

It's great that the Tigers have done their gear-stripping 180-degree turn in so short a time(Leyland is The Guy), and maybe they'll bring the team that did so well during the season with them next time.

Which begs the debate. (What?) One Wild card and one team that played about as well as the Cubs down the stretch. Just shows you how inexact a science three series of five, seven and seven are after 162 games determine a playoff schedule.

LET"S MAKE IT BEST THIRTEEN OF TWENTY-FIVE!!

See Below, You Humps

Can everybody please shut the fuck up about how lame Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is? For Ford's sake, two episodes doth not a classic make, and, Emily's Reasons Why Not notwithstanding (say that shit ten times fast), it doesn't make for a huge pile of shit either. Yeah, so far it's not as good as the first two episodes of West Wing, ando God forbid I should piss on the carcass of the late, lamented, holy Goddamned Sports Night, but please. Come on. Watch those first episodes of WW and you'll see he's doing what he did then:Getting his Big Points in before he's taken off the air. Of course, WW wasn't yanked because it was so fucking good, but he didn't know how audiences would react. Sports Night flamed out fairly quickly, so Sorkin didn't exactly have the greatest track record in TV history when NBC picked up WW. So shut the hell up for now. Give it at least, oh, I don't know, another week or two before you scream and yell and tear your hair?

Way to go, ESPN. Looks like your mobile phone service is dead on a platter. Perhaps that's what you get for pimping the shit with an ad campaign featuring a fucking stalker. Great idea, that.

And by the way, what are the folks in the corner offices at AXA smoking? Way to mix your metaphors, bitches. For the un, AXA Equitable's new ad campaign is an entreaty for boomers to stop ignoring the "800-pound gorilla in the room" and make with the lifehealthhome. The ads feature an animatronic ape that was used in the movie Instinct. (great pedigree, that.)
So. Listen up, Merkley + Partners, because you either didn't listen to the post-grad English major copyboy or he was too scared to tell you, but you're mixing your metaphors. Duh. The 800-ppund gorilla sits wherever he wants. You ignore the fucking ELEPHANT in the room!!! Not the gorilla. Having to give Borscht Belt lessons to people with trillions of ad dollars to play with is not in my job description. Not for free, anyway.